Epiphany Episcopal Church
15th Sunday after Pentecost
Opening:
Let the words of my mouth…
And the meditations of my heart…
Be always acceptable in thy sight…
O’ Lord…
My strength and my redeemer…
Amen…
Introduction:
“I forgive you…”
“I forgive you…”
If anything was ever easier…
Easier said than done…
To forgive has most certainly been a struggle in my life…
My inability…
My inability to genuinely forgive…
You see…
With every good intention…
I have forgiven persons in my life…
Those who remain in…
Those who remain out…
I have forgiven myself…
Yes…
I have forgiven all those who have harmed me…
In some instances…
In word only…
I have not…
I have not forgiven them in my heart…
In my heart…
As I reflect on what lies beneath…
When I search those deeper…
Darker spaces of my heart…
I have found…
I have found greater understanding as to the layers of my stubbornness…
My unwillingness to forgive…
In those deeper darker spaces…
What lies beneath???
What lies beneath is hurt…
What lies beneath is pain…
And sometimes…
When I visit those spaces…
I too…
I too find anger in my vulnerability…
I too…
I too find betrayal in my trust…
I find…
I find fear in my peace…
All reinforcing my stubbornness…
My unwillingness…
To forgive…
Now…
As I meditated in that space with this week’s Gospel…
I came to the realization…
The realization that I have much work before me…
That time…
Time does not heal all wounds…
Healing…
It is a process…
Forgiveness…
It is process…
And…
As much as I realized the work before me…
I too realized…
I realized that in some cases…
In some cases, I am still not ready…
Not ready to forgive…
That I am not healed…
That I…
That I am still in process…
Body One:
Forgive in word…
Why???
Because it is the polite thing to do???
It is the Christian thing to do???
Forgive in word…
Why???
To relieve the awkwardness???
To allow a relationship or circumstance to move forward???
Forgive in word…
Why???
Perhaps it is in the hope…
In the hope that if we say it…
That maybe…
Just maybe, we will believe it…
Yes…
Maybe we will believe it and we will no longer have to endure our suffering…
Forgive in word…
It is not the polite thing to do…
Two wrongs do not make a right…
Forgive in word…
It is not the Christian thing to do…
It is the dishonest thing to do…
Forgiven in word…
Does it really relieve the awkwardness???
Or does it only veil it…
Does a relationship or circumstance???
Does it really move forward???
Or does it spin off…
Spin off onto a new disingenuous path???
A path leading back only to its place of origin…
Forgiven in word…
Have you ever said it???
“I forgive you…”
Have you ever said it and instantaneously been absolved of your pain???
Of your hurt???
I didn’t think so…
Body Two:
Forgive in word…
But who???
Just exactly who is the beneficiary???
Is it the one who caused the harm???
If so…
Just what have they gained???
A false sense of security???
That they are indeed forgiven???
Surely, they will know that they are not…
The one who is hurt will demonstrate that through their actions…
Did they learn???
Did they have an opportunity to understand the hurt???
The pain they may have caused…
What they did…
Why they did…
How to not do it again…
Were they enabled???
Having earned what is not rightfully theirs…
Trading only the vacant words of “I am sorry…”
In the exchange for “I forgive you…”
Who is the beneficiary???
Is it the one who has hurt???
Forgive and forget…
God knows…
God knows I would like to…
To forget…
I imagine I have wished…
I have prayed…
I have wished and prayed as much for certain experiences to have never have happened…
Just as much as I have wished and prayed that I can just forget them…
Those wishes…
They have never come true…
Those prayers…
They remain unanswered…
They happened…
And…
I remember…
Forgive in word…
We can be childishly naïve…
Naïve in our thinking as to what lies beneath…
That it indeed…
That it simply lies…
In our attempt to not feel…
In our attempt to not feel we fail to recognize…
We fail to recognize that what lies beneath is far from idle…
(pause)
But just how active…
How active the hurt…
The pain…
The anger, the vulnerability…
The fear, the mistrust…
Just how active they are…
How much they shape and influence us…
How it can consume us…
Our thinking…
Our feeling…
Our behavior…
How what lies beneath…
What lies beneath is really what is active on the surface…
How it leads us to self-medicate…
How the anger leads us to hurt others…
How the vulnerability leads us develop sharp edges…
How the fear leads us close ourselves off…
How the mistrust leads us to isolation…
Body Three:
Forgive in word…
A fallacy…
Genuine forgiveness…
Cannot…
Cannot be delivered from our lips…
It must…
It must be delivered from our hearts…
Forgiveness is the actualization…
The actualization of catharsis of that hurt and that pain…
It is the release…
The release of the emotions…
The trauma…
The setting free and letting go of what it is we house in those…
Those deeper darker spaces…
Healing…
It is a process…
Forgiveness…
It is a process…
It is a process of understanding…
Of understanding that we too cause hurt…
That we cause pain…
It is a process of seeking…
Seeking those emotions housed in those deep dark spaces…
Identifying those feelings…
And allowing ourselves to feel them…
It is a process of discernment…
Discerning that forgiving…
That forgiving does not mean forgetting…
Our forgiveness may very well be solely to set ourselves free…
Setting ourselves free while binding the other to the caution necessary to protect ourselves…
Closing:
“I forgive you…”
If anything…
was ever easier…
Easier said than done…
I ask you…
What is in your heart???
In those???
Those deeper???
Those darker spaces???
What lies beneath???
Just what???
Just how has does it shape you???
Who???
Who do you have to forgive???
What???
What do you have to forgive???
Where are you???
Where are you in your process???
Are you ready???
Healing is a process…
Forgiveness is a process…
I pray…
I pray you heal…
I pray you understand…
That you seek…
That you feel…
That you discern…
I pray…
I pray that in your own time…
That in your own time you may forgive beyond word…
I pray that you heal…
That you forgive…
Forgive from your heart…
And that from your heart…
You…
You are set free…
Amen…